Like you, I've struggled with the promotional paradox my entire career. I suspect that most creatives share your discomfort and that a lot of the confidence we see in others' promotional efforts are "for the camera," so to speak. How do I choose to promote the work I do? I try to make things less about ME ME ME and more about connecting with like-minded people over something I've been privileged to create.
(and thank you for the shout-out and for the link to my post!)
I greatly admire how good you are at following the principle you describe, and I also really appreciate the subtle difference between your approach and the all-out ME ME ME perspective. It's definitely a balance I'm going to continue striving for.
First time I’ve read your Substack Simeon. Really enjoyed it. I was struck how your therapist asks the same questions as I do to my coaching clients. Looking forward to reading more.
Something that really helped me was deciding NOT to “self-promote”. I neither do it, nor use the phrase.
I don’t because it’s ann inaccurate phrase and it’s an unhealthy attitude. I’m not trying to promote my “self”. I’m promoting some work. The work is not me. It came from me but it is not me. It’s really healthy to separate the two. Even when a fan thinks they like “ME” what they actually like is the work. I keep my “self” for my family and friends. (Actually there is a blurring of these boundaries for some people, but the boundaries really do exist)
I also try not to differentiate between “promoting” (which is work designed to lead to a sale) and “talk about”. I talk about my work quite a lot, I explain Whats and How’s and Whys but I’m not trying to sell it at that point, I’m just explaining it. Experience tells me some people are interested in that, so I talk with them in mind. I do also promote, but it’s a different type of work and I do it less frequently. other people do a lot of that for me and I effectively pay them to do it with royalties.
Maybe this reads like sophistry, but thinking like this really makes a big difference to how much I enjoy the work.
I just re read both your post and my comment and I realised I missed something. It’s not that I don’t want to cultivate a relationship with my audience: I do want that and I do cultivate it. But I also think very few of my audience really want a deep relationship with ME. They’re more likely to want some kind of relationship with my work. Sometimes my self and my work get mixed up in my mind and in theirs, but preserving the distinction is, in 95% of cases, better for everyone. At times I can be a real prick (I try not to be, but no one is perfect). Just because people like my music, doesn’t mean people should have to deal with my whole self, awkward corners and all.
Just thought of a more concise way of putting this: I love Neil Cowley’s music, I listen to it all the time. That doesn’t mean I need to know how his farts smell. (With apologies to Neil!)
I have to say, I did very much enjoy the journey these comments went on across the three replies 😂
As you know, I am a big fan of semantics and I like how you distinguish those differences, I hadn't thought of it in those terms.
I also think you probably won't be surprised to know I think I perhaps fall down a little on the opposite side of things; inherent in which is what creates such ongoing challenges for me - based on my experience of doing so much performing in recent years, people so often comment that they appreciate the sense of vulnerability and openness with which I'm happy to talk about things and relate to my music, and how that allows them to feel a sense of welcome and invitation to it.
But, of course, this has limits, and no doubt because you've had to contend with events of such great severity and difficulty, I know you've had to delve deep into how much - and to whom - you are able, and want to be open to. It's a perennial challenge, and I admire so much your ability to be much more forthright and boundaried than I am ever likely to be.
Speaking of semantics - isn't it funny how the word 'selfish' has such negative connotations, but earlier when you describe keeping your "self" for your closest family and friends, it is anything but. Or at least a truly positive approach to selfishness.
Anyway...thanks always for sharing. Lots of love x
Yeah, that's a bit paradoxical isn't it: I really do share some really personal stuff about mental health, grief etc, but I'm really boundaried about other stuff.
I think it comes down to WHY. Why do I share the grief & mental health stuff? Because I want to make a change in the world. Why don't I don't share the other stuff? Because it doesn't help me make that change.
Like you, I've struggled with the promotional paradox my entire career. I suspect that most creatives share your discomfort and that a lot of the confidence we see in others' promotional efforts are "for the camera," so to speak. How do I choose to promote the work I do? I try to make things less about ME ME ME and more about connecting with like-minded people over something I've been privileged to create.
(and thank you for the shout-out and for the link to my post!)
You're very welcome!
I greatly admire how good you are at following the principle you describe, and I also really appreciate the subtle difference between your approach and the all-out ME ME ME perspective. It's definitely a balance I'm going to continue striving for.
First time I’ve read your Substack Simeon. Really enjoyed it. I was struck how your therapist asks the same questions as I do to my coaching clients. Looking forward to reading more.
Thanks so much Tamsin, this is really kind of you, and I'm pleased it resonated with you!
Really interesting how you’ve found a way that works. I’ve headed over to your Substack to find out more 😊
Very kind of you to have a look around. I hope you enjoy some of my previous articles as well!
Something that really helped me was deciding NOT to “self-promote”. I neither do it, nor use the phrase.
I don’t because it’s ann inaccurate phrase and it’s an unhealthy attitude. I’m not trying to promote my “self”. I’m promoting some work. The work is not me. It came from me but it is not me. It’s really healthy to separate the two. Even when a fan thinks they like “ME” what they actually like is the work. I keep my “self” for my family and friends. (Actually there is a blurring of these boundaries for some people, but the boundaries really do exist)
I also try not to differentiate between “promoting” (which is work designed to lead to a sale) and “talk about”. I talk about my work quite a lot, I explain Whats and How’s and Whys but I’m not trying to sell it at that point, I’m just explaining it. Experience tells me some people are interested in that, so I talk with them in mind. I do also promote, but it’s a different type of work and I do it less frequently. other people do a lot of that for me and I effectively pay them to do it with royalties.
Maybe this reads like sophistry, but thinking like this really makes a big difference to how much I enjoy the work.
I just re read both your post and my comment and I realised I missed something. It’s not that I don’t want to cultivate a relationship with my audience: I do want that and I do cultivate it. But I also think very few of my audience really want a deep relationship with ME. They’re more likely to want some kind of relationship with my work. Sometimes my self and my work get mixed up in my mind and in theirs, but preserving the distinction is, in 95% of cases, better for everyone. At times I can be a real prick (I try not to be, but no one is perfect). Just because people like my music, doesn’t mean people should have to deal with my whole self, awkward corners and all.
Just thought of a more concise way of putting this: I love Neil Cowley’s music, I listen to it all the time. That doesn’t mean I need to know how his farts smell. (With apologies to Neil!)
I have to say, I did very much enjoy the journey these comments went on across the three replies 😂
As you know, I am a big fan of semantics and I like how you distinguish those differences, I hadn't thought of it in those terms.
I also think you probably won't be surprised to know I think I perhaps fall down a little on the opposite side of things; inherent in which is what creates such ongoing challenges for me - based on my experience of doing so much performing in recent years, people so often comment that they appreciate the sense of vulnerability and openness with which I'm happy to talk about things and relate to my music, and how that allows them to feel a sense of welcome and invitation to it.
But, of course, this has limits, and no doubt because you've had to contend with events of such great severity and difficulty, I know you've had to delve deep into how much - and to whom - you are able, and want to be open to. It's a perennial challenge, and I admire so much your ability to be much more forthright and boundaried than I am ever likely to be.
Speaking of semantics - isn't it funny how the word 'selfish' has such negative connotations, but earlier when you describe keeping your "self" for your closest family and friends, it is anything but. Or at least a truly positive approach to selfishness.
Anyway...thanks always for sharing. Lots of love x
Yeah, that's a bit paradoxical isn't it: I really do share some really personal stuff about mental health, grief etc, but I'm really boundaried about other stuff.
I think it comes down to WHY. Why do I share the grief & mental health stuff? Because I want to make a change in the world. Why don't I don't share the other stuff? Because it doesn't help me make that change.
Lots of love back! x
Love love love this Simeon - so thoughtful, and thought-provoking!
Thanks so much, Andrea! Really appreciate the encouragement, and glad it was thought-provoking for you. Thanks for that initial kernel of an idea 😊